Dating Advice: What are the common unrealistic expectations that people have when dating?

Ha. I love this real question that I received online recently.

I will go to a business example.

Client: We have no budget, no plan, a mediocre product, and little interest in doing anything differently, but please get us on Oprah or the cover of Forbes.

Nope. Not going to happen. Most of the time I can help clients adjust their goals, see where they need to spend time and resources, and put a plan in place that makes real publicity progress over time. But I cannot create something from nothing.

Similar conversations happen in dating.

Friend: I want a wicked-smart, gorgeous, kind woman who is super sexy, goes to church, is deep but wants to go out drinking, has never been married, no kids, looks young, but is closer to my age (60) and is really fun, but does not expect too much from me.

Once I actually received a list from a client with 50 attributes for her ideal male! 50! I told her that when she finds him, find out if he has a brother because I will dump my (then) boyfriend and be on the next flight to meet him.

And the worst part is that many of these attributes were opposites. Spiritual, financially motivated, homebody, who is professionally driven and charismatic, but will take a backseat to her kids and isn’t arrogant.


That’s not impossible but people who SELF-identify as spiritual or SELF-identify as a homebody likely would not also Self- identify as a motivated leader and also SELF-identify as a homebody or follower. She wanted an alpha-male without all of the typical traits. Probably hard to find.

Especially when basing all of this on a 500 character Tinder profile.

That’s why you have to go on dates. You have to get to know the person to see if they are more interested in n sting or building a financial nest.

Ok so with my image dating clients we work on picking 3.

What are your three things that you want (must have, need, will die without) and what are the three things you cannot have (will simply not accept, cannot even consider, will not work.)

My three must-haves when dating were dates who were tall, communicative, and authentic.

Only two of those could I identify from an online bio, but I could get close to covering all three once we were talking. But, also they could lie (or just miscommunication) so it was always a coin toss.

My deal-breakers were men who wanted more kids, men who did not spark attraction in me, and men were angry. Also, not traits that I can easily see online or read in a bio.

So I did what everyone else does and swiped based on photos and bio and hoped for the best. I wrote about it on my blog. That’s why I always tell people that they need to be prepared to go on 100 bad dates. Just because you are being authentically you online doesn’t mean everyone else is.

I would love to chat more and you can reach me here or visit me on Facebook and send a private message.

I help clients by using my digital marketing expertise to help guide their online presence – from photos to words, to the overall presentation to actual in-person events.

While we are frustrated by men or women’s common unrealistic expectations we feel totally comfortable with our own. I would never want someone to “settle” but when we work together I can help you find more fun and less fear but creating profiles that are authenticity you and attract your best prospects, so that getting to know your dates is an enjoyable process.

Please feel free to reach out with follow up questions. These discussions help me to understand where you are at and how I can help.

Happy Dating!


Coach JJ


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