I received this question on my latest AMA (ask me anything) and not surprisingly, as concerns about money or financial status come up often when people start dating.
What do the wealthier men and women look for in their potential significant other? Is there something you see that is a trend, no matter where your client is from?
While we can’t really start labeling people as wealthy/not wealthy because it means so many different things to so many people, I think I know what people are asking and I will try to sort it out generally.
Yes, money matters in dating.
It is not all that matters, but it will come up in some manner and, as a single person, you need to have clear understandings about yourself, your needs, and your personal brand when it comes to mixing money and love.
Like in all branding and marketing, at some point we have to talk about money. (Bear with me, I know it is gross to mingle love and money in a dating conversation, but I am making a point.) Price is one of the Four Ps of marketing and people have been studying pricing since well before we read real textbooks in a classroom and went to libraries to do research.
When I think of wealth, I think of luxury (people can be luxurious too) and luxury brands know that their customer base has one of two things:
- More money to spend on their product or
- The need/want to choose to spend more money on their product.
For me, when it comes to coffee, Starbucks is a luxury brand. I get a medium-sized fancy drink for $7 bucks and I swear I can get nearly the exact same thing at the gas station for a dollar. It is questionable as to whether or not I can afford this habit. To me that is luxury, however, there are lots of people who make way more money than I do who wouldn’t go anywhere near a $7 coffee.
So wealth depends on vantage point, experience, and your place within the market. From a marketing research standpoint it can get really convoluted and confusing, so let me just be blunt:
- Men care about how much money they make.
- Women care about how much money they make.
Both men and women care about money. They care about their money and they care about their partners money.
However, in my experience, they care about it differently and it affects their dating differently. Generally, the more money, resources and disposable income a single person has and the greater their mindset is titled toward luxury, the more options they have in dating.
We see stereotypes all the time: Rich older men, with hot young girlfriends. The men might not be particularly handsome or charming, but the gals they want are easily attracted by having and being around nice things. These are not bad men, they just are using their resources to get what they want.
I find that wealthy (well-off, financially secure, rich – whatever you call it) men do two things:
- They use their money to date the women of their choice, and,
- They worry that they will not find someone who cares about them beyond their wealth.
I think men have it easier. Their fears are easily identified and rectified.
Women of means use their resources to date anyone they want (if she has a million bucks in the bank who cares if her hot neighbor is working part-time at the gas station.)
She also feels very independent if she worked hard and earned this money and therefore, makes it clear to the world that she doesn’t need a man.
What I have helped selective male friends with is to rely less on showing what they have or can buy and rely more on showing who they are. This naturally moves the fun-time gals out of the picture and leaves the women who truly care to know them left splashing around in the dating pool.
For my gal-pals I help them see that their independence can build a wall and why they can technically do it all, if they want a man in their life, they need to be able to allow themselves to be taken care of in some ways too. Men do not melt when you tell them off and let them know how much you do not need them. Men melt when, despite all of your accomplishments and worldly success, you still need them.
Money can get in the way of all of that, but it can also be a vantage point where we work together to get super real on who you are in the dating world and who you authentically want to attract.
I would love to chat more and you can reach me here or visit me on Facebook and send a private message.
I help clients by using my digital marketing expertise to help guide their online presence – from photos to words, to the overall presentation to actual in-person events.
So glad to have received this question. It really helps me to understand where you are at and how I can help.