What red flags should someone look for when they first start dating to know if the other person is genuine?

Luckily, there are a million relationship books out there to tell you all about bad relationships and how to avoid them, but from a branding standpoint, this is what I say is a pass:

  1. Zero photos or a single bathroom selfie
  2. Zero words or a couple of words
  3. Inability to communicate via web, text
  4. Quickly wants your number or can’t be bothered with the website
  5. Quickly moves to sex talk, wants nude photos
  6. Unpredictable or on and off the site erratically
  7. Anything you thinks is weird or not genuine

I’ll explain…

Zero photos or one bathroom selfie

One is none in this case. This tells you that this person does not care enough about searching for a partner to expose themselves in any real way. They are hiding something – either a spouse or a really deep insecurity. They possibly don’t understand how to use technology but if they got one photo up they can click that button 5 more times. A one or none photo person is someone who is guarded. Do we have time to figure out why? Nope. Move on, it’s a red flag. The world is full of plenty of people who take dating seriously and genuinely want to get to know potential dates.

Zero words or a couple of words

See above. Nope. Move on, it’s a red flag. If you can’t find anything interesting or even biographical to say, you are not trying. I get that people are shy and confused, but don’t go online to date if you are not going to put in some effort. This is big for men especially who are rumored to not read bios, so feel that they shouldn’t have to write them. Women read. The cool guys who didn’t say a word were hot for like two minutes in high school. We’ve grown out of that and we like men who use words.

Inability to communicate via web

See above. I know that not everyone has 20 years of online writing experience like I do, but someone who gives little in the way of communication is going to make you work really hard. Nope. Move on, it’s a red flag. And it’s boring.

Quickly wants your number or can’t be bothered with the website

Yeah, I know it is sooooo difficult to open that app again to respond to messages but get over it. Going straight to personal communication shows someone who is controlling and wants to move too fast. It is reasonable for men to ask for your number if they are going to ask you on a date. Guys can say: May I have your number so I can ask you on a date. Without that, it is likely that they want to get off the site in order to avoid being caught or they are so lazy they just want to text or they like to collect women. It is not flattering and certainly, this is not all men, but Nope. Move on, it’s a red flag.

Quickly moves to sex talk

I don’t know what to say because sex is a highly personal matter, but there are tons of guys who just want to sext with a bunch of women and use online dating sites to do that. They are not interested in real relationships. They may want you to come over and hook up, but if you want a real boyfriend then wait for the guys who actually want to get to know you. Some dudes just want friends. They like women and they gather them likes gems. They do not get frisky or too sexy, but they also don’t ever ask you out on dates. They just want someone to talk to and make them feel good about themselves. That’s great. I love my guy friends. But those aren’t dates. Move on, it’s a red flag.

Unpredictable on and off the site

You’ve seen these guys… One day their photo is up, the next day they’re blocked, then they’re deleted and they come back. We have no idea what’s going on with them. Are they cheating? Do they shut down their profile after every date? Are they emotionally unstable? Who knows? We don’t have time for this. Move on, it’s a red flag.

Anything you think is weird or not genuine

Yep. Follow your gut. You know a player when you see one. Every woman gets fooled but after a certain age, it’s your fault if you keep picking the wrong guys because you missed all the red flags. If it seems off, move on, it’s a red flag.

This is supposed to be fun! You’re trying to fall in love, not get your teeth pulled. If it makes you feel weird or ill or crazy, stop and try again with someone who makes you feel safe and happy and special.

I would love to chat more and you can reach me here or visit me on Facebook and send a private message.

Thanks for this question. It really helps me to understand where you are at and how I can help.

Coach JJ


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