How to tell if the person you’re dating is worth the time and effort?

Great question. I have two answers:

  1. Don’t put in very much time and effort.

  2. Watch their actions and your feelings.

It’s like being a car salesperson and believing every person who test-drives a car is going to buy one. Some people just like test driving cars. They ask lots of questions. Take pictures. Talk about financing. Then they never come back.

You are not a car. You are a wonderful human. You do not have to sell yourself.

However, you do have to show some of who and what you are made of. You have to be you.

Just like this other person has to show who they are. If their brand is about finding women to chase them around while they refuse to commit, then you will see that.

So I would not invest very much time and effort in someone who was not asking you to invest time and effort.

Stop and wait and see. People need to show you not tell you who they are. It takes time! Everyone wants to know on the first date but it doesn’t work that way. Let them show you.

He is worth it if he calls you (or texts or emails, whichever you prefer.) He is worth it if he makes plans, is on-time, focuses on you, treats you well, and then does it all again for another date and doesn’t do it with other women (after a while. At first it’s ok. Let him pick you.)

One date cannot tell you what you need to know about a human. You need lots of dates. But you should not be investing so much time and effort at the beginning. This will numb your senses and make you feel overwhelmed.

And then you need to feel your feelings. Are you trying too hard or desperately needing his attention or do the good vibes flow both ways? I am not saying it won’t be heart-wrenching.

I had an adorable, awkward conversation with my now fiance because he wanted to make sure that I liked him back. I was giving all the go signals, but not totally throwing myself on him (like apparently, a million other babes were.)

He asked. I answered. And we talked every day. And from that day I never had to ask where I stand with him. He tells me and shows me.

He mentioned being exclusive first.

He mentioned taking down his profile first.

I was patient and kept dating (which sucked because I literally could not even think about being with anyone else after our first date) until he said the words and showed by his actions that he was worth the time and effort. And then he kept doing it.

Ok so actually, new answer. If you have to ask, the person is not worth it. Gut check. Flaky, vague, asshats are not worth it. Find someone who shows up every day and lets you know they care.


Coach JJ


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