What would you tell a woman who thinks loving a man is giving him power over her?

This question came up one during an online Q & A and it still makes me sad.

Honestly, I would tell a woman or man who is afraid of losing all their power to a lover to see an experienced therapist. But for daters, I say giving up some power (often called compromising or making your relationship work) is the goal right? You want someone who is all in with you, correct?

Because here is the thing… you do give up some power in a relationship.

For example, I used to have the power to have sex with anyone I wanted to. Now that I’m in a committed relationship, I’ve given up that power. I could, I suppose, but I’ve gladly given up the option. I’ll n a way, he now has a type of power over me. The difference is my fiancé has given that up too.  And we do so joyfully and willingly. Both of us are extremely grateful for the fact that we have another chance at love.

That example will likely hold you brilliant death do we part, but power will shift throughout our relationship.

I guess the question would be:

Do you love somebody who is willing to give up some power to love you back and is it equal over time?

Most of the stuff I talk about is branding related and fun and it’s based on business marketing science.

What this person was asking is a deep psychological question that needs to be addressed by a professional counselor.

However, If you are questioning losing yourself in love, don’t even bother perfecting your online dating profile. Instead, do the hard work of becoming you so that when you do come back to the online dating world, you can have a great experience!

Additionally, I am often asked what men are looking for in a woman. Once there is attraction, confidence is pretty high on a guy’s list! I would even say that confidence creates attraction, so if given the choice, I would worry about building my confidence before my looks or trying to be attractive. Attraction is chemical based on internal factors that were set up early in life. We cannot control it. We can be totally into someone then meet in person and have zero chemistry. We cannot fix or change that, but we can be our best selves, which I believe includes being confident.

So, work to feel confident in dating and don’t worry so much about the imagined power struggles.

Thanks so much for being here. I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness!


Coach JJ


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