Great question because this is super important! I touched on it in another answer (see Giant Gums below) but basically, it is really hard to analyze ourselves in any capacity.
All of that is to say, we think one thing is happening when something else is actually happening. Especially when intense emotions are involved and there is so much at stake.
I tell clients is that in order to build profiles to attract the person that we want, we think like them, not like ourselves. It is like in marketing when a business does customer profiling, which is where an organization attempts to quantify and understand everything about their ideal customer(s) and then builds their marketing around those customers data and demographics.
If you are not finding the results that you want in your dating experiences (and I know it sounds crass to treat your future love as a customer, but…) treat your future love as a customer.
What does a tall, handsome, confident, successful, banker, from Cincinnati who loves dogs and walks on the beach want?
Some people can do that successfully. The rest of us need someone like me 🙂
Which is why I say you need 100 Bad Dates. You have got to get feedback (directly or indirectly) from the people you are attempting to date.
I would love to chat more and you can reach me here or visit me on Facebook and send a private message.
Thanks for this question. It really helps me to understand where you are at and how I can help.