I have two answers:

Don’t put in very much time and effort.

Watch their actions and your feelings.

It’s like being a car salesperson and believing every person who test-drives a car is going to buy one. Some people just like test driving cars. They ask lots of questions. Take pictures. Talk about financing. Then they never come back.

You are not a car. You are a wonderful human. You do not have to sell yourself. However, you do have to show some of who and what you are made of. You have to be you.

Just like this other person has to show who they are. If their brand is about finding women to chase them around while they refuse to commit, then you will see that.

So I would not invest very much time and effort in someone who was not asking you to invest time and effort.

Stop and wait and see.

He is worth it if he calls you (or texts or emails.) He is worth it if he makes plans, is on-time, focuses on you, treats you well, and then does it all again for another date and doesn’t do it with other women (after a couple of dates.)

One date cannot tell you what you need to know about a human. You need lots of dates. But you should not be investing time and effort.

And then you need to feel your feelings. Are you trying too hard or desperately needing his attention or do the good vibes flow both ways? I am not saying it won’t be heart-wrenching.

I had an adorable, awkward conversation with my now fiance because he wanted to make sure that I liked him back. I was giving all the go signals, but not totally throwing myself on him (like apparently, a million other babes were).

He asked. I answered. And we talked every day. And from that day I never had to ask where I stand with him. He tells me and shows me.

He mentioned being exclusive first.

He mentioned taking down his profile first.

I was patient and kept dating (which sucked because I literally could not even think about being with anyone else after our first date) until he said the words to let me know he was worth the time and effort. And then he kept doing it.

Ok so actually, new answer. If you have to ask, the person is not worth it. Gut check. Flaky, vague, asshats are not worth it. Find someone who shows up every day and lets you know they care.

Love,

Coach JJ

I get questions about dating mistakes all the time and have written about it frequently, so I will be short and sweet. In relation to online dating profiles there are 3 common mistakes:

1. Bad photos (or no photos)

2. Random or rambling bios

3. Negativity

Now, WHILE actually dating, there are a million mistakes, but these three will leave you dead on arrival.

The first two are self explanatory, but that doesn’t mean do it without help or feedback. Good photos does not mean selfies. Authenticity doesn’t mean saying every random thought you’ve ever had.

Negativity is a bit harder to navigate because you think that you’re being real or honest or open. I see men who are emotionally closed off because they are terrified of being used or tricked. They have all of their defenses up and it backfires. Maybe they haven’t done the work yet or maybe they are really scared, but either way, being defensive is a mistake.

Other negative issues included m women who are too bossy and mean. I think we can all work on being more cheerful and kind, even when men make tiny mistakes. I see women who are all about the money and it makes them ugly.

A healthy amount of curiosity and flexibility is useful in dating. Another mistake people make when dating online is thinking they have all the answers or that they know how it is all going to work out.

Love,

Coach JJ

With social media and the internet, the average person (first world adults) are subjected to about 5,000 marketing messages per day. PER DAY!

That’s a lot of images, hype, false idols, and noise.

But here’s what I know after 25 years in marketing: Nothing just sells itself.

There is no “if you build it, they will come.”

Everything is marketing.

Even dating!

This website is marketed to get you and I to talk about dating. The laundry detergent that you buy, the car you drive, the shoes you wear, and the music you listen to are all marketed to you. We don’t even know it is happening, but we live in a world driven by marketing.

Behind all of this marketing is a person or a team that sat down to organize what they wanted to sell and how they were going to sell it. They used words and pictures to communicate messages that attract customers. Then they watched the results and made changes to the tactics until the right people were buying in the right quantities.

As an Image Dating Coach I help clients by using my digital marketing expertise to guide their online presence – from photos to words, to the overall presentation, to actual in-person dates, and special events. My theory is that you and I can organize what you want your dating life to look like, who we want to attract, and then we can make that a reality.

By using words and pictures to communicate messages we can attract people who want to date you. Then we will watch the results and make changes to the tactics until the right people are trying to spend time with you in the right quantities.

I don’t mean to be crass, but you have to work to stand out online.

I want to help you do that without exhausting yourself, making you hate humans, or making you hate yourself.

Happy dating!

Love,

Coach JJ